i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
