your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
