Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
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