I could make wine with my vomit
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
