Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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