If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My cat gives me a boner
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
