he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
