If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
