She said her name was "party"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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