I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
