you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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