I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
