bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
