I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Found your dick twin last night
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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