I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
