i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
