Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
