i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
