btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
