Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
