I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
