theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
