I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
