We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
