Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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