she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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