highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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