put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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