it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
