Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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