Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
