i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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