OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
