my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
