im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I wish you could order shots online.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
