Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Randomize
