Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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