Tell her she can't have a vagina
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
