oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
