So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
