Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ttyl tear gas
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
