He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
