After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
did i just pee glitter
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