so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
