I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i need some magic done to my vagina
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
