A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
