he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
