what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
