stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
