So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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